


stayed

by edoranpo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Haikyuu - Freeform, M/M, haikyuu!! - Freeform, iwaoi - Freeform, oiiwa - Freeform, ハイキュー!! - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 14:24:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6960601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edoranpo/pseuds/edoranpo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>twenty years of being in love sure payed off, huh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	stayed

**Author's Note:**

> this is a vomit of 1492 words + iwaoi angst love enjoy

_"Stay. Just for a little bit longer,"_

Oikawa always smiled, that was the first fact Iwaizumi knew from the moment he met Oikawa. His smiles were bright and loud, like the corners of his mouth talked and gathered up all the light left in the world for themselves. Oikawa's smile has never deteriorated. It was at default, and without it, order and sense for both Oikawa and Iwaizumi would just explode into these tiny bits never again to be discovered. But before they knew it, Oikawa had his smile back, and Iwaizumi swallowed all that happened down and hid it somewhere by the back of his head to burn out.

Like a nightmare.

 

 

 

 

Iwaizumi didn't know how he'd define Oikawa these days. If it was Oikawa it would always be 'fine', 'good', 'stupid'. Nothing really mattered. Nothing really serious. But it was over the summer that Iwaizumi lost hope that a person, a human, could be so care-free and defenseless against everything; because the only person he thought was like that, got on his own knees in tears and muffled between screams.

Oikawa broke. Finally. Like Iwaizumi had been waiting for it, Oikawa's flaw, Oikawa's small shard that pierced through his skin for him to break. Iwaizumi hated himself, but he was so relieved.

Oikawa broke. So did Iwaizumi himself.

 

 

 

 

"Are you an idiot?"

Iwaizumi was twelve. Oikawa was eleven.

The pale and scrawny eleven-year-old was always smiling, his feet fumbling to chase after the twelve-year-old with sun-kissed skin and baggy clothes. Iwaizumi didn't dislike Oikawa, but it was weird how he'd always follow him around and just smile, gaping with joy at everything Iwaizumi would do or say. Oikawa wouldn't say much, and would only nod when Iwaizumi was talking, quietly listening to every word, clapping when Iwaizumi caught too many cicadas during the burning summers they've spent walking around town together.

Iwaizumi didn't dislike Oikawa. In each sunrise of the days within those summers, Iwaizumi waits in front of their house door for a short and skinny, smiling dork, and realizes that it had began to be a habit. A habit that suddenly felt irreversible. A habit that went from one point of a routine to a rule. Iwaizumi's body moves on its own, his mind awaits a presence to come - an irreversible habit; a reflex.

"No, but you are."

 

 

 

 

 

It was when Iwaizumi was thirteen that a twelve-year-old Oikawa started talking more, and started calling him 'Iwa-chan', too. His voice started to get loud and his laughs would be more often, his smiles were bigger, they stood on a firm hold and never lost its way through the whole day. Though nothing was wrong, Iwaizumi started to eat down his own words, holding something back, and bearing a weight inside his chest. Though nothing was wrong, Iwaizumi wanted things to be wrong.

"Are you okay?"

"Why do you keep asking me that?" Oikawa sounded annoyed, his eyes averting Iwaizumi's stare, and his mouth were formed into a pout.

They were in the library, so Iwaizumi made that reason as to not to shout at Oikawa. They were in a place where they should be silent and unknowing, so Iwaizumi made that a reason not to get mad. Or maybe just because Iwaizumi was so tired and worn out; he had lost the words he wanted to say and the questions he wanted to ask.

Or he was afraid. _Maybe._

"I just want to know if you're okay." Iwaizumi whispers, his voice stiff and his eyes just watching Oikawa, waiting for a reply. Waiting and waiting, but it never comes. Just silence and frowns, the hushed sounds of book pages being flipped - it all rushes past Iwaizumi's ears before he could hear what Oikawa mutters under his shaking breath,

_"I'm not."_

 

 

 

 

"Why the fuck are you like this?"

 

"It's disgusting, isn't it?"

 

 

 

 

Oikawa was seventeen when he had his first kiss. He was never one to be in steady relationships, and it was just always as far as hand-holding and a few dates. If it was ever love to be said, Oikawa would laugh, shrugging it off with dodging answers. He didn't hate love; he just didn't understand it. It was such a complex idea, a complex feeling, with intricate details - and for anything too far off the ordinary, Oikawa was never one for believers.

He didn't hate love. Or maybe he did; he just didn't know what to do with it.

 

 

 

Iwaizumi was eighteen when he had his first kiss. Well, whatever it was, Iwaizumi knew it couldn't be just a kiss. He never dated before, he didn't know what he was doing. For the past eighteen years all he had in mind was volleyball. Winning. The job of being the so-called 'ace'. Love was really just another thing he wanted to think about when he was thirty. He figured he'd meet someone and get married and have a family or something; being eighteen had nothing to do with it.

Love was all over the place, like a volleyball in constant bounce; something that Iwaizumi couldn't get a hold of, so he gave up. What Iwaizumi couldn't understand was always better off not to consider. Yet, Iwaizumi was wrong about one thing: being eighteen had _everything_ to do with it.

 

 

 

 

"Iwa-chan, have you ever kissed a girl before?"

In their usual word per word exchange conversations, Oikawa was the one to take the initiative. Iwaizumi was somewhere beside him, reading the latest release of a manga Oikawa never managed to understand. Iwaizumi didn't take much of that question, it was just one of Oikawa's weird curiosities that he says out loud, particularly to no one, but sometimes specifically towards Iwaizumi only. And in those usual word per word exchange conversations, Iwaizumi would quietly comply, a frown steadfast on his face.

"No. Never have, never will." Iwaizumi sighs, not bothering to mind how pathetic it sounded.

"Then," Oikawa scoots closer to Iwaizumi; in a distance that Iwaizumi could hear Oikawa breathing within that single pause. In times when Oikawa would be this close with Iwaizumi was when it was the colder nights, when the snow rigs up their front yards and the heater doesn't stand a chance against the negativity of temperatures. And sometimes, Iwaizumi doesn't push him away; and everything was good enough to stay that way.

But it was summer. The heater was off. There was no snow. Iwaizumi could feel Oikawa's skin on his, sweating and warm, and just for half a moment Iwaizumi swears he heard it this time - they were in a mixing sync - and Iwaizumi doesn't push Oikawa away.

In the seconds that Oikawa wasn't smiling, Iwaizumi closes his eyes.

"Have you ever kissed a boy before?"

 

 

 

Oikawa wasn't smiling at all. He wasn't laughing. He wasn't talking. He was so quiet; so timid and small within Iwaizumi's grasp. Oikawa's breathing became a whirring lullaby, and Iwaizumi tries to hear every sound that escaped him, like he wouldn't hear it again, like it was all just once, _so try hard to burn it in your memory;_ Iwaizumi thought.

Oikawa was just there, under Iwaizumi's touch, steady and trembling, _scared._ But never enough to run away. Iwaizumi didn't know what to do, but his body moves on his own and gives up everything he tried to keep for himself. All the words and questions transformed into actions; it was their own heated argument that they've tried to always keep silenced. But nothing so persistent could just stay as it is.

Iwaizumi learned that long before, but it seemed like Oikawa never learned anything.

 

 

 

In their usual word per word exchange conversations, Iwaizumi wasn't the one to take the initiative. But on that night, he does. He feels his palms sweating, and his whole body sore. But it doesn't feel that bad when there was someone next to him, just as damaged and incoherent and just as crumpled in thought. It was at that same night when Iwaizumi hears it again; the things Iwaizumi didn't catch a glimpse of back then.

Oikawa's words and his own. Oikawa's heart and his own. _Oikawa, Oikawa._

_Oikawa._

"We're weird, aren't we?"

"Probably."

 

 

 

Iwaizumi was twenty-one. Oikawa was twenty. They kissed and they hugged and under the fucking mid-blaze heat of another set of summers they've spent walking around town together, they said words that seemed so pathetic but they didn't really bother with that. They could be as pathetic as they wanted because they were with each other, and everything was fine to stay that way.

But maybe, Iwaizumi didn't learn anything either. Something like this, something like them, something so persistent couldn't just stay at it was.

Under the mid-blaze heat of a summer's day, Oikawa was on his knees, fumbling with his own words, his hand shaking as it holds a silver ring you could buy with five yen just around the corner shops.

Iwaizumi smiles, "It's not like you can marry me, you know?"

 

 

 

"But I can stay with you, right? Forever?"

**Author's Note:**

> im gonna break things down i guess since i've been so confused with this story myself: oikawa has been in love with iwaizumi ever since they were thirteen and knew that he was in love and didn't admit it, but iwaizumi loved him too (but did not know it himself bc he is a tsundere piece of shit) and only knew that oikawa was hiding smth from him lmao and so goes the never ending pain but maybe at the end they find a lil happiness maybe idk by E
> 
> if you'd like you can leave a comment ;u;


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